June 16th, 2006

-I spoke with my sister by phone last night. She has been caring for our mom this past week and said that mom is failing very quickly now. She is so weak that she can hardly walk. Her mind is becoming more confused and she is struggling with anxiety. After speaking with my sister, I was overwhelmed by sadness. Throughout the dark hours of the night, I wrestled with the thought that perhaps I should not have left my mom. The realization that I would not be present with her to say goodbye hit me hard, and I wept at the travesty of that first sin which brought death and separation into our world.

We knew that in returning to Albania we had put our hands to the plow, as it were, and should not look back with regret or longing. We felt strongly in coming back that we were following the will of God, and we have since had this confirmed many times over, but this does not erase the sadness of being separated from my mother as she approaches death. It does, however, allay any fear that we made a mistake in coming back to Albania .

God, in his goodness, granted me a great consolation. It seems that my 96-year-old grandmother so desires to see her daughter one more time that she is undertaking the long ride from Montana to Minnesota to visit her ailing child. My aunt and uncle will drive her, and they will be arriving sometime today (June 15). Additionally, on Saturday, my mom's brother and his wife will arrive for a week-long visit. This means that perhaps at death my mom will be surrounded by her family, as well as have my sister and my father present. My joy at the prospect of this unexpected reunion lifted my sadness considerably.

I have been enjoying many good days here. God has given me strength and energy, for which I am extremely grateful, as it allows me to participate in many different activities. One of these, which occurred at the beginning of this week, was the graduation ceremony for our fourth-year seminary students. Although we were away for three semesters, Nathan had played a significant role in the lives of these students during their first two-and-a-half years in school. He had been demanding as a teacher, but his efforts to push his students academically and spiritually had been appreciated. These graduates are a very promising group of young people, and Nathan hopes to hire several of them for ministry with university students and children.

I have been attending the weekly meeting of the university students on Tuesday evenings. Despite the fact that the students are in an exam period, many are still taking time from their studies to come for fellowship and to hear a speaker. I was asked to speak this week on what I have experienced through my illness, something I was glad to share. In preparing for this talk, I read through all of my old updates that had been posted to the website and in doing so, re-lived many of the same joys and struggles I had experienced at the time I wrote. I was reminded again of the grace and goodness of God in our lives over the past 18 months and the generosity of so many people through their faithful prayers and giving.

Fr. Luke Veronis arrived in Albania two days ago for a nine-day visit. He is here to unite in holy matrimony a young man from his church in Massachusetts to one of our young women here, a match orchestrated by him and his wife, Faith. It is wonderful to have Fr. Luke back. He addressed our mission team last night and encouraged us in our ministries to focus on relationships more than on projects. It was a very good reminder of where to put our efforts. I think of this often for myself. Since I don't have much energy, I can only do a few things. Trying to discern what is most valuable is not always easy, but I know that people are always important. I am reminded of Jesus' reply to the man who asked what was the greatest commandment. “To love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and soul” was his reply, and then he added, “and to love your neighbor as yourself.” This is a good guide for my life here. I must pour out my heart in devotion to Christ and then allow his love to flow back through me to others. It sounds simple, but I know I get in the way sometimes and block the current of that love, especially when I am tired or frustrated. The needs of people rarely come at convenient times.