An Update From Nathan

Monday, September 25, 2006

Dear friends,

Yesterday evening marked four weeks since Lynette's death.  Sunday afternoons have become a special time for me.  5:14 p.m. is a moment of sadness and a moment of joy.  My dearest friend passed from my life and was born to eternal life.

Many have asked how we are doing.  The answer is that I think by God's grace and through your prayers we are doing very well.  I am seeking to live each day in joy.  And I feel that I have been given joy as a gift from our Lord.  I expected these weeks after all of the guests left, when we were beginning to settle down to figure out normal life, to be very difficult.  And they have been hard, we have felt Lynette's absence in new painful ways but we have also felt her continuing presence with us.  I am currently in Serbia representing the Orthodox Church of Albania at the official dialogue with the Catholic Church.  It's been an interesting experience in many ways including meeting many distinguished people, serious theological work, and state dinners with the prime minister and the president.  One of the real pleasures of these experiences in the past has been telling Lynette about them when I return home.  I have repeatedly felt a twinge of pain and sorrow realizing that I have no one to tell.  On the other hand I have the sense that she is present with me experiencing these things with me now.

In addition to the pain of Lynette's absence I have faced two temptations, one regarding the past, the other the future.  I am tempted to regret many things.  To regret many things which were left unfinished, to regret that I did not love her better, to regret that in the many thousands of photographs I have taken I do not have better ones of her, and so on.  I am also tempted to face all the pain of the future without her at once.  I try to firmly reject both temptations.  I am grateful for all that God gave us, and I trust him for the future.  I try to accept the gift and the challenge of each day as it comes.  God gives the strength for what he requires when he requires it.  In his book "The Screwtape Letters" CS Lewis says that only the present exists.  Past is gone and the future does not yet exist.  When we live in the present we live in reality and that is where we meet God because he is the source of reality.  The evil one seeks to entice us to live in the past or the future precisely in order to rob us of the joy of experiencing God in the present moment.  I can not change the past and I do not know what the future will be, but I can live the joy of God's presence in this moment.

Tristan and Katherine seem to be doing very well.  They of course miss their mother very much, but they also have a childlike faith.  They know that she is with Jesus and that she is doing fine.  We talk about her often and we pray for her and we ask her to pray for us.  She continues to be part of our family.  I think that an important process of preparation happened for the children over the last year and a half as I became their primary caregiver.  This has meant that there was no dramatic transition for them and that they had full confidence that I would be able to take care of them.  This sense of personal security has helped them to face the personal loss.  We have all slept together in one bed since Lynette's death.  I think that this has been a source of comfort to all of us.

It has been such a blessing for us to be in Albania at this time of challenge and joy.  Our close community of fellow missionaries and dear Albanian brothers and sisters has given us a large family of love and support.  Many people have stopped by our home regularly.  They have helped with practical issues like meals and the care of the children, but most of all they have wrapped us in an embrace of love which has carried us through the pain.  You also, around the world have been part of this great hug of the family of God.  I have so deeply appreciated each of your e-mails and cards and packages.  I hope you will forgive me for the fact that I have not thanked you individually, but please know that I am grateful.  I have heard from some that they were reluctant to write because they thought we must be overwhelmed with messages.  There have been many, but I would welcome many more.  You are all a tremendous source of encouragement to me.

The children started school on September 6.  They are attending an international Christian school which primarily serves the Protestant missionary community.  It seems to be a good environment for them where a number of their friends already attend.  I am very pleased with both of their teachers.  Please pray for them, especially for Tristan, that this will be a successful school year.  I think that they will face many challenges in adjusting to life without Lynette and I hope that the school community will be a support in this process.  Tristan is not very enthusiastic about school; his learning style is not very compatible with standard educational methods.  He feels that school really takes too much away from playtime.  Please also pray regarding the tuition which we are being asked to pay.  Because we are not evangelical Protestants we are being charged the diplomatic rate which is 2 1/2 times that of other missionaries.  It is very difficult, both because it is a great deal of money, and because of the negative spirit between Christians which it implies.  I hope to meet with members of the board this week, please pray for love and understanding, and that this will be an opportunity for a growth in teamwork between Christians in Albania.

I plan to visit the United States with the children for two weeks at the end of October.  When we came to Albania in May we did not know what the future would be or how long we would be staying in Albania.  There are many loose ends that need to be tied up in the US.  I am also looking forward to seeing my family and many other dear friends.  We will be making brief visits in Minnesota, Arkansas and Chicago.

I will not be teaching at the theological Academy this fall.  I want to have time be close to the children.  I also need some time to sort through the chaos created by our irregular lives over the past 20 months.  I will still be kept very busy with the children's ministry, the University Ministry and work in Kosovo among other things.

Again thank you for your love.  Thank you for your prayers.  Thank you for all of your letters and acts of encouragement.  You have truly been a blessing to us.

In Christ,

Nathan