An Update From Nathan - The Feast of Thanksgiving

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.  (Psalm 118:1 and 29)

In this season in which we celebrate the feast of Thanksgiving I am surprised to find myself more deeply and truly thankful than I can ever remember being.  It is surprising because from a worldly perspective I have the least reason to be thankful.  Lynette's death was less than three months ago and my heart is still very tender.  It is such a comfort to know that indeed the Lord is good and that his love endures forever.  Lynette and I spoke about this several times as we faced together the fact that she was dying and would be leaving us.  We talked about the fact that since the Lord is good and his love endures forever that this means that what he is doing in our lives is an expression of his goodness and love.  It is not simply that he is using us for some other purpose but that he is working in us for our salvation in his great love for us.  Since he called Lynette home at this time it is clear that her road is finished, and that this was for her salvation, but it is also clear that her home going is God's expression of love and care for the children and I. Therefore we must look to the future with joy and hope not sadness and despair.  The spirit of thanksgiving and the spirit of joy walk hand in hand.  There is of course pain and sadness but I have found that this can truly be a bright sadness if I choose the path of thanksgiving and joy.  This is the gift which God has given, not the product of personal strength or fortitude.  It is my choice whether to accept it and live in it, or to reject it and wallow in despair.  I am so grateful for each of you, your prayers and your expressions of support and encouragement which make the journey so much easier.  As I consider the way that the Lord has cared for us through you I realize that I do have many many reasons to be thankful.  The loss of Lynette is of course very painful but the love that each one of you has shown and continues to show to us has eased the pain and made the burden light.  It is truly a wondrous thing to be part of the body of Christ.

The last five weeks have been very busy.  On October 12 we flew to England where we spent two days visiting the Essex monastery and continuing to the United States on the 14th.  This was a wonderful quiet moment of rest and reflection between the fast-paced schedule of Albania and the whirlwind of our visit in the US.  We arrived in Minnesota late on Saturday night and attended liturgy the next morning at our beloved parish in Rochester.  It was so wonderful to be home with these dear friends that supported us over our many months of treatment at Mayo Clinic.  That evening the Evangelical Free Church in Plainview, where Lynette's parents attend, held a memorial service for her.  It was a beautiful time of celebrating her life and God's goodness to us.  I spent the next several days trying to gather things from the house which we would need as we returned to Albania.  This was the most painful period of grieving through which I have yet passed.  As I sorted through much of our life together over the past two years the pain of Lynette's absence was intense.  I spent many hours simply weeping, as the house was so full of her but yet she was not there.  We face a dynamic tension in the face of death and in the certain knowledge of Christ's victory over it, and in a case like Lynette's, a definite experience of that victory, but also in the deep emotional reaction of our humanity against this violation of our human identity.  We were not made to die and therefore we revolt against it.  Over the past 14 years and especially in the past two years I have grown together with Lynette as one person.  It is very painful to have part of myself cut away.  At the same time I do rejoice with her because she has experienced the final victory over our enemy and I rejoice that we will be together again but in the mean time I suffer the true pain that is the consequence of sin in our world.  Tears are also a wonderful gift from our Lord in this journey.  In a strange way, though shed in great pain, they wash away the pain of loss and leave behind quiet gratitude for the fact that Lynette was and is part of my life.  I have reflected many times on the tremendous blessing that I had to be married to her for 14 years.  I cannot be bitter that it was not longer, and I am grateful that I had the privilege and the joy.

From Minnesota we drove the 14 hours to my parents home in Arkansas where we spent six days.  It was truly a blessing to be with them and other close friends and family members who had not been able to come to the funeral.  One of the highlights of the visit for Tristan was several fishing trips with my dad.  From Arkansas we headed to Chicago.  Early the next morning we flew to Denver for a quick overnight visit with dear friends who are missionaries in Central Asia and who are only rarely on the same side of the world as us.  We returned to Chicago late Saturday night in time to be at liturgy at our home parish of All Saints.  It was truly a joy to worship and share and cry with this dear family who with so many others has been such a source of strength and support to us.  I had two more whirlwind days of visiting friends and family around the Chicago area and packing.  I also did a two-hour interview for Ancient Faith Radio (ancientfaithradio.com) regarding Lynette's journey with cancer and our work in Albania.  I left for Albania on Wednesday, November 1 arriving the evening of the second. I spent approximately 10 hours in Albania before my 5 a.m. departure the next morning for Bratislava Slovakia where I represented the Albanian Orthodox Church at the official dialogue between the Orthodox Church and the Lutheran World Federation.  I finally returned home at midnight on Wednesday, November 8.  The children had remained in the US with Lynette's sister in order to visit father Luke and Faith Veronis and their family in Massachusetts.  They returned to Albania the same day I did with father Pat and Denise Reardon, who were coming for a visit.  It was very good to be home together again.  The children were too exhausted to go to school on Thursday but returned on Friday.  I think their reentry process has gone fairly smoothly.  Their teachers have been very understanding and helpful with our special needs at this time.

I ask your special prayers for the children and I again this coming weekend as I will be traveling to Kosovo. We will be leaving very early in the morning of November 23, Thanksgiving day.  I will be leading a group of 12 young people attending the feast day of St. Stephen of Decani at that monastery.  We will also be meeting the directors of various schools and arranging the schedule for the camping program next summer.  Please pray for safety in travel as the mountains we must cross are often covered in deep snow at this time of year.  Also pray that our presence at the monastery would be a blessing and that our meetings with school and government authorities would be successful.  The children will not be going with me so this will mean another five days of separation.  Please pray that the Lord would comfort, sustain and fill them with joy.

As always thank you for your love and prayers and all the other ways that you so lovingly support us.