Page 2 - Nathan's Update

Monday, October 22nd, 2007

God's incredible love for us and his desire for our very best.  Lynette and I spoke a number of times about the fact that God could use her illness for the salvation of all of us.  Though in itself her illness was a manifestation of the sin and brokenness of our creation it was given to us by our loving God as a tool to draw us to himself and transform us to become more like him.  Lynette understood and accepted her cancer in this way and was transformed by her journey through it.  It would have been tempting to think that this was gods gift to her, it was his time to call her home and all of the rest of us would simply have to make the best of a difficult situation because it was best for her.  In reality God's love is for all of us and Lynette's illness was for all of us.  Just as it was God's goodness to Lynette to take her home it was also his goodness to the children and I.  The process of accompanying her on her journey to the gates of paradise was a great privilege which I believe transformed me in many ways.  I have a much greater awareness of the temporary nature of this life and much less fear of death.  Having lived with someone over the course of many months who was visibly dying as imprinted the sense of mortality on my consciousness in a way that I do not think anything else could.  In walking with her through her final days into the arms of death I confronted death in a personal way which allowed me to experience its power and terror.  It is a terrible thing that can rip away the life which has vivified my dear wife and leave her a dead body growing cold and eventually falling into decay.  It is a tragedy and a betrayal of the life which God intended.  Death truly is our great enemy.  But through the experience of Lynette's death I encountered this terrible enemy and found it already defeated.  In Lynette's death I experienced the truth of the apostles words  "O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory ".  Through experiencing her death I feel much more prepared to face my own.  She truly did have "a Christian end to her life painless, blameless and peaceful".

I have noticed several different responses to death over the past year.  Many dear people search for the right words to say and express many things which are kind and beautiful but I have noticed that the normal response to death falls into three categories.

First there is the emotional response to death which falls into desperation and despair.  Death is the end of everything and unexplained tragedy which provokes inconsolable grief, uncontrolled wailing, anger and alienation.

I describe the second response as secular.  It accepts death as a natural part of life.  This is the basis of many of the books which I have seen on grieving.  Death is explained as a natural part of the life cycle.  Plans are planted, they grow, they age and they die.  Animals are born, they mature, they grow old and they die.  It is the normal cycle of life and it must simply be accepted.  People are born, they grow up, they grow old and they die.  Our loved ones grow old and die and we will grow old and die.  The sooner we accept it the easier it will be on all of us.  There is no inherent meaning to life or death and so we must learn to accept death so that the fear of it does not spoil the fun of whatever life we have.

And finally the religious approach which embraces death.  Life in this fallen world is essentially evil and death which liberates us from it is a good thing which should be embraced.  Our real-life begins after death.  Life in this world is only a preparation for the next so death is not a tragedy but a gift.

There are elements of truth in all of these responses to death but as I have reflected on it I have realized that none of them are Christian.  As Christians we do not despair in the face of death, nor do we accept it as a normal part of life.  Death is essentially abnormal it is the destruction of what God intended.  It is not normal.  As Christians we also must not fall into the trap of the religious approach to death.  We do not embrace death as something good.  Death is our great enemy we must never make peace with it.  The fact that we can be at peace in the face of death does not mean that we have made peace with death.  We are at peace with death because we have been given victory over it.  Christ is risen from the dead trampling down death by death and upon those in the tombs bestowing life.  This is the Christian approach.

Two of the qualities which we strove to cultivate during Lynette's illness was living life in the present and experiencing the joy of each moment.  These of course go hand-in-hand.  We were blessed to grow in these and especially to experience them during the last days of her life.  As I wrote at the time I was truly able to experience the joy even of the day in which she went home to be with the Lord.  Throughout this year as I have reflected on that experience I have realized how easy it is to slip from that joy.  Logically it would seen that if I can rejoice on the day of her death then there is no day in which I will not rejoice.  But the reality is that living in joy continues to be a daily challenge.  I was given the gift of joy in the midst of a very difficult situation but it is easy to slip from it in the mundane struggles of each day's problems.  I often find myself depressed, and annoyed and saddened by things of very small consequence.  On one hand I know that this is not surprising and is probably to some degree a part of the grieving process whether I recognize it or not on the other hand I realize that I am surrendering the victory which his mine in Christ.  Please pray that I will continue to live each day in that gift of joy which Christ gives us.  I have found that it is possible to "rejoice in the Lord always" but it is also possible to forget the gift of joy.  I think that this is one of the greatest tools which our enemy uses.  He tempts us to slip from the daily, hourly minute by minute experience of the joy of our Lord into facing life as a struggle and a drudgery.  We believe that our state of mind is dictated by our circumstances and if we truly understand our circumstances this is true but we often have a false view of our circumstances.  We should be filled with joy each day because we live the life of the resurrected Christ, the life we live in the body is his life not our own and we are loved by him more than we can imagine.  This is true every single day regardless of what is happening around us and it is sufficient reason to be filled with joy.  Instead of seeing this reality we all know now to be annoyed and angry and disappointed in sent for many reasons.

Flights from Tirana international Airport often live very early in the morning in order to connect with the European hubs before transatlantic flights and other European routes.  This means that we often take off in the darkness just before daybreak.  Many times it is rainy and cloudy as the airplane climbs to altitude and then there is a magical moment when we break through the clouds and see the rising Sun.  Each time I experience this I am reminded that this is a parable of our lives.  We often live in the darkness under the rain and clouds, forgetting the true shape of reality.  It is an obvious but amazing truth that it is sunny every day above the clouds.  Every time we fly we break out into amazing sunlight above the clouds.  And the Son of righteousness shines forth every day despite the storm that we feel around us.  If we could only remember each day above the clouds the Son is shining we would live in his joy.

Lynette's memory continues to be a shining witness here in Albania.  The one-year memorial service though poignant was a joyful event celebrating her life and commitment to Christ.  Archbishop Anastasios led the memorial service at the cathedral in Tirana and at the graveside in St. Vlash.  This was followed by a beautiful lunch which the Archbishop hosted in the seminary dining hall.  During the lunch many people reflected on the life of Lynette and what her witness had meant to them.

The years which I spent with Lynette were truly a blessing to me.  I met her in the fall of 1988 as a 21-year-old college student.  I grew up and found our home in the Orthodox Church and my life's work in missions in Albania together with her.  She has blessed challenged and enriched my life in so many ways.  I have learned to see so much more of the color and joy of life by looking through her eyes.  I have been challenged and inspired to draw closer to our Savior by walking with her on the journey.  Together we received two of God's greatest gifts in our children Tristan and Katherine who continue to bless me.

The barrier between time and eternity has become a little more translucent since Lynette has crossed it.  Though I still cannot see beyond I have a much stronger sense of the reality of life on that side of the river.  She is now part of that great cloud of witnesses which cheers us all on in our race.  I ask your continued prayers as we seek to run the race which is yet before us. I feel strongly that God knew when Lynette's race was finished and when it was time for her to go home.  It could be tempting for me to view what is left of my life as an epilogue but I feel strongly that I am left here because there is still a race to run and that I must embrace each new stage of the journey knowing that it is what he has prepared for me in his love for my salvation. I do not know what is in store for us on this road or how long it will be but I am striving to keep my eyes on Jesus.   As I run I strive each day to live in the joy of that day and in the present moment it is this point at which time touches eternity and where we experience our Lord.

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